“Ten ways to be a better girlfriend/boyfriend.”
“Three reasons you should take a break from dating.”
“Five qualities you should look for in a spouse.”
“Twelve things you’re doing to sabotage your relationships.”
DO THESE SENTENCES RING A BELL TO THE MODERN DAY ADULT?
Growing up should really be fun, but then again it comes with a lot of responsibilities. One of the biggest responsibilities is that of being able to choose a suitable life partner. This is a decision that can either help you to be a better person or one that will be the root of bitterness in one’s life.
Some days, being a single Christian can be exhausting. There is no shortage of advice coming from well-meaning authors, bloggers, pastors, teachers and “dating experts.” There is constantly a new blogpost, podcast, sermon series or book for us to pick up to learn the keys to “biblical” dating and start doing things the right way. There are so many principles to live by, values that you are not meant to compromise on, rules to adhere to and expectations we are required to meet. I wonder if any generation before ours ever had so much instruction on the topic of finding a spouse; and if any other generation has been so confused about it. I have tried to compile a list of some of the teachings we have received.You can add to the list:
- Do not marry someone who is not a Christian
- Do not be unequally yoked, strive to marry from your church as you may have different views and beliefs even when you are both Christian.
- You can never find a perfect partner
- God grants you what you pray for, don’t compromise
- Date for at least a year.
- Don’t date for any more than a year.
- Make sure you get plenty of time one on one.
- Your first kiss should be on the alter
- The intensity of the kiss is what matters the most
- Put clear boundaries into place.
- Don’t try to follow everyone else’s rules.
- Date someone who is at most ten years older than you
- Age is just a number, what matters in relationships is compatibility
- Spend lots of time together.
- Be careful how much time you spend together.
- Date a bunch of people before getting serious.
- Don’t date anyone until you’re ready to marry them.
These statements in their contradictory nature are probably one reason many singles express so much confusion and frustration about the dating process and their hopes for marriage. Another issue is the societal/family messages that encourage us young adults to live our lives more fully before we get married. We are told to pursue our dreams first, achieve important goals, and wait to find the person that is absolutely perfect for us. Even the church seems to be elevating service, professionalism, and ministry to the point that it inadvertently lessens the value of marriage and family. We are drowning in confusion trying to hold on to every little bit of advice that we have received over the years. Our friends who are not as religious as “us” are getting married and we wonder why God is forgetting us yet we are His children. The pressure mounts up and the confusion increases. We are left wondering on the advice we should listen to and which advice we should let go of.
What is the consequence to the young adult?
Others pursue lofty dreams. They want to complete their education and get their career well underway before they get married. Or they want to travel the world or achieve some lifelong ambition. Even if the goals are positive, they are disassociated from normal life, including marriage and family.
It’s all leading large percentages of young men and women to think, “I’m sure I’ll get married someday, just not right now.” But one day we wake up, and we are thirty or forty, and we are no closer to marriage than they were at twenty. What seems to get lost in all of this is that the dating years can be lived with a purpose that prepares young people for marriage.
Watch out for the next blog which will be focusing on comparing modern day dating, or grandparents “age” dating and the biblical dating. THIS MAY JUST BE THE ANSWER TO THE CONFUSION!
Emma's Blog 